Pursuit of Something New
by Black Rose Heart
Summary: In the town of Hussfield, Texas, life couldn't seem more ordinary. Karkat Vantas is a 21 year old minimum-wage worker at the local movie theater, generally loathing life as it goes by monotonously. He never expected a naive idiot with the most irritating bucktoothed grin to give him something new to think about. Johnkat, Texas-Stuck AU.
1. 1: Movie Theaters and Fun

_Hussfield, Texas. It was one of those places on a map that your eyes just scan over, close enough to population centers to keep it from being out in the middle of nowhere, but far away enough to keep it isolated from any sort of city life. A town big enough so that it was impossible to know everyone, but small enough to keep out the ever-changing ways of the big cities. Overall, an unremarkable human establishment. _

_Sure, they had rich folks, poor folks, in-between folks. Teen romances and movie theaters. Schools, malls, attorney offices. Plumbers, public speakers, computer repairmen. Museums and apartment buildings. Ranches and mansions. The typical All-American town, where hopes, dreams and life-long aspirations come true. _

_Most of the time._

_Welcome to the home of one extremely crabby movie theater worker, a slightly schizophrenic hacker with a penchant for metaphysics, a cutesy animal shelter volunteer, a lonely robotics engineer with a complex, a meditative mortuary assistant who has a fixation on death, a cheerful rich heiress with a dysfunctional family, a moody hipster looking for love, a gentle cattle-wrangler paralyzed in a brutal accident, a fearless gambler who's not afraid to go all in, a blind law school student who's spirit is only matched by her eccentricities, a hopeless romantic fashion designer, and the rebel rodeo clown son of an industry mogul._

_This is the story of how their lives collide in the ultimate double Mobius reach-around. An impact that changed their lives forever. A cataclysmic event that began with-_

"I mean really, do you want you fucking popcorn or not, fuckass? I don't give a flying shit about whether or not you wanted butter on the damn thing, you're just lucky I actually stooped low enough to get it for you." The speaker took a short puff of a cigarette and coughed, his normally angry features strained into a grimace.

"Dammit Sol, how can you stand these things?" He glared at the taller man, irritated by the obvious difference in their heights.

His coworker leaned against the rough stone exterior of the movie theater, uncut grains snagging the fabric of his tacky striped red-white-and-blue uniform, identical to that of his ornery friend. The calmer of the two took a long drag of his chosen poison and sighed.

"I don't like them, KK, but I keep them 'round to relax. You took that one from me becauth I thaid you wouldn't like 'em." He said, a lisp obstructed his pronunciation, tilting his head back to stare at the sky behind dark shades. It was one of those autumn days when the weather decided to cooperate, a gentle breeze and cloudless views. However, his companion was less than interested in the glory of the natural world.

"Y'know, if it wasn't for Nep, I'd quit on the spot. Do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle and leave." The shorter scoffed, tucking a bit of his burnt umber hair behind his ear. He'd have to get it cut soon.

"Well, it'th alwayth about family, right? Hey, what about that couthin you thought you could move in with? He ever call you back?"

His friend had a sound halfway between a groan and a chuckle. "Oh, he called me back all right. Goddammit, took me a full hour to erase all of his messages from my voicemail, I swear. Last time I ever ask Kankri a simple question. Long, long, long fucking story short, he's out on the old public-speaking trail and when he's not violently shoving his long-winded speeches down everyone's aural canals, he's blogging about it." Karkat crushed his barely-used cigarette into the public ashtray.

"Muth be pretty bad then. How'th Nep doing lately anywayth?" Sollux asked, checking his watch to make sure the boss didn't yell at them for staying out after break time.

The other leaned back against the wall, mimicking his friend's posture. "Well, she's doing okay. Loves her job, and I think it's starting to love her back. The owner doesn't mind having a hyperactive cat-lover around."

"Good for her. KK, break'th over thoon, let'th go back in."

"Sure." Karkat sighed, pulling a hand through his messy hair. "Time to serve popcorn by the bucket and soda by the gallon to ignorant malcontents with their heads showed up their asses."

A quick look at the timetables alerted the duo to an unavoidable fact. The 5:30 movie crowd would be there any second. Weaving through the saccharine-drunk crowd, they pushed open a door marked "Employees Only" to get behind the linoleum counter. A few other workers, all dressed in unfashionable stripes the same colors as their own, were quickly prepping for the onslaught to come.

The unmistakable scent of theater popcorn drifted through the air as Sollux added a bag of kernels to the popper. Some oil, a quick shake, and he took up his post on the soda fountain.

Normally, Karkat would be working whatever job had the least amount of contact with people. But thanks to the unexpected, prolonged illness of a cashier, he was quickly trained and deemed up to the challenge. His friend had attempted cashier-work before, but his lisp had become a problem when you ordered Soft Salted Sweet Scoops Supreme.

The grumpy male grabbed a cardboard box of pretzels from the back, shoving the baked loops into the rotating display case topped with the redundant lit-up sign PRETZELS before taking up a spot along the counter, next to the worn apparatus that was narrowly identified as a cash register. He took the spare time to survey the crowd, watching the doors open as increasingly more people came in.

Lines quickly formed, putting Karkat in the position to take his first order of the evening. Out of habit, he liked to guess what the customer was going to see. First up, the teenage couple giggling like hyenas on crack. 500 Days of Summer, obviously. "Hello, welcome to Cinema 15, may I take your order?" The worker rattled off at top speed, attempting to make this go quickly.

"Oh, me?" The bleached blonde said, blinking with eyelashes full off mascara. She turned to her boyfriend, not missing the opportunity to flip her long, conditioned curls back from her plunging neckline. "Sweetie, why don't you order for the two of us, I need to slip off to the ladies room." Her tone so full of obvious infatuation that Karkat had to resist the urge to gag. It was like watching a shitty romcom in real life. Not that he had any problems with shitty romcoms. Just real life.

"Sure, baby," her tall, well-muscled date crooned, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. As soon as she was out of earshot, he gave the sales assistant an obnoxious grin, "She's the third one this week. Pretty good, huh? Think I scored." Once Karkat's indifferent expression failed to please him, he cleared his throat and ordered, "Uh, one salted butter popcorn, a large cola with two straws and a box of Junior Mints."

At least he was quick. "Thank you sir, I'll be back with your order in a bit." Couples always made him a bit sour, but that may have been his depressing love life talking. Or maybe just everything managed to anger him somehow. He quickly filled a popcorn bucket, squirted on the artificial gunk that was supposed to taste like butter, some salt, shook it around it bit, and yelled "Large coke!" to Sollux. It was almost impossible to communicate verbally above the incessant chatter surrounding them, but Karkat had always managed. The other nodded and turned his impassive shades back to the machinery, reflecting the fluorescent lighting of the displays.

Seconds later, the order was ready. Karkat barely hid a disgusted sneer as he stuck two plastic drink straws through the top, then grabbed a small box of Junior Mints from under the counter and placed it next to the popcorn and drink. "That'll be…" he typed the totals in, added sales tax, and watched the total light up on screen, "26.56." As cash exchanged hands and the register opened and closed, the girl ran up behind her boyfriend and slipped a hand over his eyes.

"Guess who?"

He laughed. "You're quick. Lemme get the stuff and I'll be with you in a sec."

She pulled her hand off, grabbing the mints before he could lay a hand on them. "Okay, but these," she shook the box, "are mine."

"Sure thing. Let's go." And with that, they left, headed to a splendid night of a relatively decent romcom in which the protagonist is a male who attempts to become close to a woman who insists she does not want a boyfriend presented in a non-linear narrative containing about five humorous lines in the first segment-

The next customer kindly interrupted his thoughts by clearing his throat. Karkat was knocked out of his analytic stupor. Realizing he had to repeat the entire spiel, he gritted his teeth before calmly saying, "Hello, welcome to Cinema 15, may I take your order?"

* * *

A/N: Hello and welcome to the first fic out of a series I hope to make into a gigantic AU. Pairings will include Johnkat, mentions of AraSol and EriSol, Nepeta and Equius as moirails in just this fic. As the 'verse develops, I'll probably make some huge shipping wall at some point in time. But for now, enjoy! I'm planning to update as soon as I can and I've already gotten several chapters done. In the meantime, feel free to comment, favorite, subscribe, follow, worship, fanart, rage, PM and hug. Bonus points for doing all of them XD The topic I'm wondering about is: Sollux's lisp. It's a bitch to type, and does it really add anything or is it just useless and annoying?


	2. 2: Swedish Fish and Care Bear Gummies

Lines quickly decreased as the registers dinged open and money exchanged hands. Karkat barely noticed the new customers, a middle-aged couple escaping home for "date night", three boys who were all pumped to see a new action film, a family of four out for the new Disney animation.

Population slowly fell in the lobby as viewers rushed to their screens, desperately hoping that there would be a few more previews to keep them from missing a minute of their theater experience. In one of those rare lapses when the lines were next to empty, Karkat found himself drifting off again. He didn't notice the menacing form approaching the counter.

"Excuse me, worker, I believe I am next." A regal tone said, jolting Karkat out of his thoughts. Cracked shades seemed to glare at him as rivulets of sweat crept down the man's forehead, falling into his long sandy blonde hair that brushed his broad shoulders.

It was sufficient enough to stop the cantankerous employee from snapping back. "Uh, hello, welcome to Cinema 15, may I take your order?"

The heavily muscled man in a wife beater kept staring at him. "I was expecting to meet someone here. You didn't happen to see a girl wearing a blue cat hat and an oversized green coat?"

Karkat frowned. That was practically a spot on description of what his sister had been wearing when she left the house. Was this creep trying to make a move on Nepeta? Shit…he'd better make sure first. "Brunette, green eyes, about my height?"

"Yes, that's her."

Karkat had two options. One, leap over the counter yelling, "that's my sister, you shitstain!" which he didn't think would increase his odds of survival, or two, he could state the obvious.

"She's behind you."

A shocked look formed for a millisecond on the guy's face before he turned around, observing the smiling youth who was giggling adorably.

"You should have seen yourself freeze up, Equius! It was hilarious!" She said in between laughing fits.

"I…suppose it must have been amusing." The side of Equius's lips quirked up, a bare semblance of a smile.

"Sure was! Now, Mr. Movie Worker," she said with a wink, "could I get a-"

Karkat was trying to withhold his anger, but was, as usual, failing miserably. "Nepeta, may I ask what in the name of all that is furry and anthropomorphically represented is going on here?" He felt his hands clenching into fists.

"Kar, Equius is a friend. He comes by the shop and the shelter a lot, and he's purrfectly safe. Stop being so overprotective!" She pouted, trying to preempt her raging brother with reasoning.

"Nep, this may be where I get a paycheck, but my real job is making sure you don't go out and meet complete strangers who could be dangerous!" He pointed at the muscular man, who was extremely confused at the moment. "Look at him! Did the little fluff beasts decommission your last bit of common sense and cover it liberally with catnip?"

She rolled her eyes. "Why do you think I decided to come here? If you think something's wrong, you're nearby, and I'm riding home with you after the movie anyway! Now there's something you can't object to!"

Karkat was about to burst into a tirade, when he realized she was right. He thought for a second then ground his teeth in frustration. "I can't _object_ to it, huh? Terezi helped you think of this, didn't she?"

Nepeta beamed, satisfied with her negotiation skills. "Of course. I texted her about it. Now if you don't mind, a large popcorn and some-"

"-Swedish Fish, Nep, I know. Anything else?" He looked pointedly at Equius, expecting him to order something. The buff male had a look of confusion written all over his face.

"So, Nepeta's your-"

"Annoying, cat-obsessed sister, yes. And before you say it, yes, not much of a family resemblance. We get that a lot. Now, anything else?" Karkat said grumpily. He'd have to give his careless charge a lecture when they got home about trusting people.

"I suppose I will have a large water."

"Coming up. Large water, Sol!" Karkat shouted back, getting a nod from his friend.

"Oh, Sollux is here too? Hey Sol!" Nepeta leaned on the counter and waved, trying to catch a glimpse of the shade-wearing hacker.

"Hey Nep. Thought I heard KK thouthing more than uthual." He replied, still concentrating on the plastic cup slowly filling with water. He glanced over, observing the brawny figure of her friend. "Oh, I thee. Wath KK being an overprotective bitch again?"

"Like always!" She laughed.

Karkat was scooping popcorn in the back. "I heard that, Sollux, you sociologically challenged jackass."

Equius shook his head. "Nepeta, do you know everyone who works at this theater?"

She shrugged. "Just the funny ones with weird names."

The disgruntled clerk pulled a box of multicolored fish-shaped gummies out from under the counter, setting it on the top beside the bucket of popcorn. His coworker handed him the drink, and he tapped the worn keys of the old register.

"And that's 22.50." He said, ringing up the total on the screen, banging the side to the archaic machine when the backlight flickered.

"Ah yes, I will be covering the purchase. No gentleman would make a lady pay for such concessions." He flicked a few bills out of his wallet. Karkat quickly made change and handed it back to him.

"Nep, what movie are you going to see? If it's the new Paranormal movie, you know the last one didn't let you sleep for a week-"

She sighed. "No Kar, it's the new Nic Cage flick. While you're prying, why don't you ask me if my shoes are tied and if I washed my face this morning?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Your shoes are double-knotted, I already know that."

She rolled her eyes, "Right. Not overprotective at all. Well, see you at eight! Come on, Eq." She turned tail, pulling the arm of her companion. They both vanished off to the side, but that didn't stop Karkat from dangling over the counter to watch them for as long as possible.

Sollux face-palmed. "KK, you're one hell of a hover brother, you know that? Let her meet new people thometimes. Thop worrying."

Karkat scoffed, "Shut the hell up, Sollux, she's my sister. I'll glare at the people she goes out with like any normal older brother would do. Did you see the muscles on that guy? I'll bet Nepeta's collection of R-18 slash doujins that he's some sort of wrestler with a mental issue."

Sollux looked vaguely interested. "Where'd the get all the doujinth anyway? And why are they all thlash pairingth?"

Karkat fumed. "That was not the point of the metaphor, you ass-licking moron. He could seriously take advantage of her if he wanted to, and I don't know if I could do anything about it!"

"Hm, I dunno. You could yell loud enough tho that he runth away holding hith eardrumth. Being loud and noticeable theems to be a Vantath family thing. That and pulling your panth up to your chetht."

"Sol, how many times do I have to tell you, I was drunk when that happened and the Pantskat thing got old months ago. Even Vriska stopped making jokes about it." He frowned. "Well, maybe I just haven't talked to that arachnid addict in a while. And anyway, I have a valid point here!"

"Sorry KK, my hearing muth be going, I thought you thaid you had a valid point." Sollux snickered, watching as his friend's face twisted into an angrier expression.

"You are so lucky I'm on the clock right now, because otherwise I would cause a deluge of pure, unadulterated rage to let flow an expansive flood of creative insults that will have the after effect of complete and utter shame wracking your brain like a twisted wire framework that supports your gristly decomposing cerebral heap for the rest of your implacably idiotic life."

"Yeah, got it. I'll be sure to inthult you later then." Sollux was trying to hide his shit-eating grin before Karkat made Mount Pele look like a 4th grader's C- science project.

"You insufferable piece of flesh. I haven't been this disgusted since I accidentally listened to Friday on the radio. Why Nep likes that cheesy pop music, I'll never know. I am the universe's chew-toy. It is me." He shook his head, causing his rumpled mop of brown hair to fall into a further state of disarray.

"Cheer up KK. Only a couple more hourth before thift's ov-" As Sollux looked over the counter, he froze. This did not slip beneath the notice of a certain disheveled companion.

"Sol?" Karkat looked up, following the unmoving shades to spot…

"Who's this douchebag?" He asked Sollux, observing the despicable chunk of humanity sauntering their way, a giggling girl dangling off his side. His styled blond hair bore a fluorescent purple stripe down the middle, matching the lavender shade of a striped scarf hanging around his neck.

"Thith guy pithes me off, KK. You've never had to meet him becauthe you don't work the later thifts all the time, but he'th ridiculouth. Hith dad ownth the theater, tho thith guy juth walkth in every Friday with a new guy or girl on hith arm. And the way he talkth ith hella annoying. You deal with him." Sollux said, an edge to his tone that Karkat knew better than to argue with.

"Gotcha, Sol. One douchebag order coming up soon. Unfortunately. What's up with this guy, he's giving off the aura of half tool, half hipster, one hundred percent snobby rich kid. I'm surprised these movies aren't too mainstream for him." The cashier snorted, then composed himself as the personification of the bane of humanity came within earshot.

"Yeah, so I w-was saying, oh w-wait, hold on darlin', I'm gonna order now-w." Hipster glasses focused on the less-than-pleased Karkat. "Gimme a large popcorn, a large w-water, a small cola, and some Care Bear gummies."

"Yes sir, we'll have your food for you in a minute." Karkat said, trying to repress the growing sense of hatred that colored his voice so frequently.

Passing by Sollux as he got the childish candy he muttered, "I was beginning to wonder why we stocked those. Large water, small cola." He repeated dutifully, because it didn't pay to piss off the owner's son. Even if he was a douchebag/tool/hipster…well, maybe then…

After about a minute of top-notch concessions work, the parts and pieces of the order had assembled on the countertop. Eridan looked up from his well-endowed date to give a self-satisfied smirk.

"Oh yeah, see, my father owns this place, so just put it on his _tab_." The pampered tool said, savoring the words like a fine confection that only the wealthy could afford.

"Of course, enjoy the movie." Karkat managed to get out through a painfully fake half-smile. When the two disappeared, the youth resumed his usual expression of disgust. "That was thoroughly and absolutely ridiculous."

Sollux nodded. "You're telling me. Sometimes he trieth to hit on the cathiers. You got lucky."

Karkat's face twisted into a sneer. "Wait. Hit on them while he has a date with him? Fuck, he's worse than I thought."

"A guy in your line, KK. Turn that frown upthide-down."

"Right."

Hours dragged by as the resentful minimum wage-earner barely suffered through hesitant orders and fulfilled the employee report he had been given the previous year to the letter; "Unsatisfactory, needs to work on anger management and customer service skills"

Nepeta eventually emerged from her movie, chattering about the character pairings she liked in the movie and talking a bit with Equius before bidding him farewell. Of course, this was all observed under the omnipotent eye of an overprotective brother who analyzed the situation on several planes of romance all at once. Since it was still a while before shift ended, Nepeta reminded her brother that she could drive and got him to reluctantly hand over the keys, convincing him to ride home with Sollux later. He reluctantly agreed, but not before thoroughly conducting a monologue including thirty distinct points, sixteen useless safety tips and one sarcastic joke.

* * *

A/N: I just can't get the image of Nepeta cruising around town in a convertible with J-Pop blaring out of my head. It's too much fun XD And yes, human!Nepeta and Karkat are family in my headcanon. I am not going into Nepeta's unrequited flush crush, because she doesn't deserve that. They have extremely interesting backstories that I will refuse to reveal all at once ^_^ Read and Review XD


	3. 3: Buckets of Popcorn and Con Air

At last, it was rush hour in the theater. Neon lights blazed brightly as they ran the length of the walls decked with poster displays. Mass volumes of humanity flowed in and out of the doors in a seemingly endless current. The ages evened out, mostly young adults and juveniles with a taste for adventure and obnoxious group gatherings.

Karkat turned around, facing the group of four people at his register. A boy with rumpled dark-brown hair, square-frame glasses and irritatingly noticeable buck teeth stood in front, his wallet already in his hand. He had a goofy grin on his face that the cashier wanted to slap off his face.

"Welcome to cinema 15, can I help you?" If one listened closely, the restraint in his voice was almost tangible.

"Oh! Yeah, sure! One second…" He turned to face his companions. "What does everyone want?"

Karkat felt himself lose faith in humanity. Why don't people just figure out what to order before they get in the fucking line?

A kid with blond hair and round shades that immediately labeled him as an insufferable prick spoke up, "Just get me some orange soda. Large."

The girl next to him, probably the sister of the other guy, tilted her head as if the menu was sideways. "Hm…tough…Sour Patch Kids and Dave and I'll share a popcorn."

The blonde rolled his eyes. "Jade, I didn't ask for popcorn."

"You're going to steal mine anyway." She shot back. "Medium, please"

"I've already eaten." The final member of the group said, a mature youth with her pale blonde hair pulled back with a pink headband, wearing what looked like the casual collection for models. Thank god, one less thing to make.

"Um," the front glasses kid strained to look at the menu, "you don't have Fruit Gushers, do you?"

"They're not on the big lit-up board behind me, so no." Karkat was beginning to lose anything that even partially resembled patience.

"Okay, gee whiz, I'll have Rasinettes then."

"Coming up. Large orange!" The command reached Sollux, who decided to show off by spinning the cup around in a complicated movement before setting it down on the machine.

"Poser." Karkat muttered as he pushed fluffy yellow kernels into a striped bucket. Finishing off the pile with a final scoop, he set it down on the counter and pulled out two boxes of candy from underneath the counter. Tapping the keys, he pulled up the total in glowing blue numbers.

"Hi again idiot, 21.43 is your total." He waited expectantly for a debit card, cash, some form of payment. Naturally, it was the sight of the bespectacled boy digging around in his pockets of his bright cerulean hoodie for the last dollar and forty-three cents as a crumpled twenty lay on the discolored linoleum.

"Okay, 1.40, 1.41, 1.42, 1.43!" The annoyingly cheerful kid dug the remaining pennies out from the crevices of his tight denim pockets. "Perfect! And we're just in time to watch the anniversary showing of Con Air!"

One of the group members groaned. The insufferable prick. "Con Air? You've got to be kidding me."

His friend pouted. "But Dave! It's like the best movie ever! And that scene where he reunites with his loving wife and daughter? Man, I want to act that out in real life some time."

"Whatever man. I'll just go to the fro-yo place next door if that's the case. Pick up some chicks there by inquiring 'bout their favorite flavor and-ow, dammit Jade, maybe not."

"C'mon! It's fantastic, you should see it. Hey, er, you," the bucktoothed wonder turned back to the counter, where a completely underwhelmed employee stood, "what do you think about Con Air? Can you help me convince my bro?"

Karkat blinked. Customers rarely asked him about movies. "You want my professional opinion?"

He nodded quickly. "Yes please. Anything to make Strider watch this."

The worker gave him a warning look. "If you're sure…"

The kid's grin betrayed his naiveté. "Of course!"

"That movie is a sentimental trap made for underage role-players doomed to a life of puttering around in their mother's basement. No one under the impression that they are about to watch a halfway decent film should even venture into the awkward theater seats that the company installs."

The youth looked as if he'd received a stinging slap from a metal arm. "You've seen it then?"

Karkat shrugged apathetically. "I didn't have to. It's all in the title."

A new passion was kindled in the bright blue eyes of the fierce supporter. "No way man, you have to come and see it too then. Come on!"

Karkat held back a smirk. Who did this presumptuous idiot think he was? Just saying he had to go see a movie with him on a spur of the moment decision? "In case me taking your order and handing you food was not an obvious indicator, I'm currently on the job. I can't just take a break and go see a movie with a random patron."

The boy clasped his hands together in a begging position . "Aw, c'mon, please? I'll pay for stuff, but I need to spread the word about how awesome my favorite movie is!"

Now he was stuck. This kid looked bratty enough to complain to management if he didn't get his way. Karkat was already hanging by a thread here as it was. The kid was a total jackass, but a free ticket was a free ticket. And what the heck, he could bring a sweeper and look like he was doing work. Or not. He checked the clock. His shift was over in five minutes anyway. That clinched it.

"Sure, why the hell not?" He jumped over the counter in a practiced motion, drawing some looks from the staff and almost knocking into the fearless Con Air fanatic. "But you're buying."

The boy's face lit up instantly, a smile dimpling irritatingly on his cheek. "Sounds good. I'm John, by the way." He held out his hand, which Karkat shook.

"Karkat. And no comments on the name."

"Name? I thought you were choking."

"Very funny, wise guy. If you used those ridiculous lens-filled frames you call glasses, you might be able to see it taped onto my nametag with all the permanence of my position here. Now are we going to see a crappy Nic Cage movie or what?"

"You can use Dave's ticket, since it looks like he managed to get away." Sure enough, as John pointed it out, the insufferable prick had absconded while no one was looking. And he'd taken his soda.

Karkat, meanwhile, had undone the buttons on his scratchy uniform and tossed the fabric at Sollux, who deftly caught it and hung it next to similar ones on a rack. Underneath, he was wearing one of those free cancer-awareness shirts commonly seen at 5k walks, this one proudly reading "Race for the Cure" accompanied by a pink ribbon.

"Can't look like I work here if I'm sitting in seats and chewing popcorn, can I? You're acting like I just poured a cup of soda over my head." Karkat said, indicating the dropped jaw of one black-haired boy.

"Right. I just wasn't expecting that. Oh hey, Rose and Jade ran off while I wasn't looking!" He tugged at the Karkat's arm. "C'mon, it's in theater number four."

The brunette tried to jerk his wrist away as he was dragged to the ticket puncher's desk. The attendant looked up from the stream of tickets to look at her coworker. "Karkat? What-"

He gave her the abridged version. "Shift's over in five minutes, got an offer to see a movie, boss is always yelling at me to be friendlier."

She nodded. Thank god she wasn't one of the tightasses. "Can't argue with that. Have a good time." In one smooth action, she ripped the top halves of the tickets off and handed the stubs back to the two boys.

As they walked away, the blue-eyed wonder grinned. "Well that explained why you wanted to come see Con Air."

"Maybe it did. Oh, forgot, I'm off the clock, I can cuss everyone out now." He exhaled. "Thank god, I was getting so fucking tired of smiling at every goddamn person who wanted a bucket of popcorn."

"Heh, guess I saved the day, then. Karkat, right? You're not joking?"

"Nope. Whatever the hell possessed my mom to name me that, I've got no idea. I just go by Kar most of the time, people think its short for Carter or whatever the hell, makes my life easier."

John snickered. "Well, anything to make life easier, right?" He walked over to the door marked by a lit up overhang, pulled the stainless steel handle and stepped aside like a royal footman. "Forward, milord."

"Shut up, fuckass." Karkat said, but begrudgingly trod over the threshold. As he rounded the dark corner, he remembered why he signed up for this job in the first place. The cinematic atmosphere, loud, perfectly balanced sounds putting you into the life of another character entirely…

"C'mon, you look like you've never seen the inside of the theater before! And I bet you have since, well, you work here and all." John said, his face barely visible in the slight amount of reflected light from the screen currently displaying a fiery explosion from an action flick trailer

"Of course I have, dumbass, isn't a guy allowed to walk slowly around here?" Karkat grumbled, but it was half-hearted at best. Even though the odd, bespectacled boy was but a slender outline in the barely lit viewing area, he seemed full of excitement the minute he stepped into the room. Here was clearly someone who was truly devoted to the cinematic elements.

Moving swiftly through the empty rows of seats, they located the two girls who had craftily purloined the concessions while they were distracted. Jade begrudgingly handed over the now half-empty box of Raisinettes to a dismayed John. Rose passed the popcorn over and gave a vaguely satisfied smile, as if she had seen the future and knew a particularly interesting secret.

They sat down in the same row, John next to Jade and Karkat next to him. The chairs squeaked as the seats folded out, reminding Karkat that he had missed maintenance last week. Oh well. Time to worry about that later.

The lights dimmed before completely extinguishing. Murmurs from the audience filled the empty airspace as the screen brightened again, showing what was undoubtedly the start of the crappy piece of cinematography known as Con Air. Karkat sighed. He hoped he was wrong about this movie.

* * *

A/N: See, this is what happens when I read other AUs, I start mixing, picking and blending it with my headcanon and things like this emerge. The idea for Karkat's shirt came from Marchingstuck (not mine at all), a lot of the physical appearances were inspired by 4chords and Daycarestuck, neither of which have I had any part in and all belong to their original owners. You will, no doubt, see pieces and parts of different AUs here, if you think you spot a direct reference, tell me please since I don't want to accidentally infringe on intellectual property.

Lastly, it's not really DaveJade, it's more like they're really good friends and she keeps him on track. And he steals her popcorn. Everyone needs friends like that XD

And thank you to whoever that lovely guest reviewer is, you can most definitely have a hug. HookahBird, you can have a hug too XD Thanks to everyone who reviewed, Rae, derpofmind, princeoujimax. And all the followers. And all the favoriters. Have the feeling of satisfaction that comes from having an author flail from happiness when she checks her inbox and sees a string of emails from people who don't think their writing is total crap ^_^

Read and Review :3 Hugs are allowed, high-fives optional, fist bumps preferable, and criticism welcomed :) Until next time!


	4. 4: Pickups and Punchbuggies

He actually didn't mind it as much as he thought he would. Vriska had already spoiled a great deal of it for him previously, since she was the biggest Nic Cage fanatic he'd met, so he analyzed relationships instead, one of his favorite pastimes.

The showing went by fairly uneventfully. Things exploded violently, a bunny was placed back in its box, a father was reunited with his loving wife and daughter, barbeque was deemed "good" and an ex-con redeemed himself. Popcorn supplies became severely depleted and Rasinettes were finished during the previews. Both youths were giving this film their full concentration, a reverent focus known by all movie buffs. Their hands might have brushed past each other a couple of times. Maybe three. It wasn't like Karkat was keeping count.

* * *

Soon, the movie credits were rolling past to the tune of some mellow 90s music. Chatter rose up from the seats as patrons filed down the aisles and filtered out of the popcorn-scented atmosphere and back into the bright lights of the lobby, blinking like blinded raccoons.

Karkat contemplated the overall quality of the movie. Barely any decent bits, pretty shitty overall, so entirely life-wasting. He looked over at the bucktoothed wonder.

Beside him, it appeared that John was facing an epiphany by the metaphorical horns. His blue eyes were wide with a mixture of disbelief and revelation. Karkat snickered. Not a bad look for the moronic pansy.

"I…just realized something."

Karkat rolled his eyes. Here it comes. "Yes?"

"This movie fucking sucks!"

The movie worker raised an eyebrow in mock skepticism. "What? Really? Allow me to demonstrate how remarkably surprised I am by rolling my eyes with utter compassion and empathy."

"It's just…I used to think it was so great as a kid, but I don't know. Maybe I exaggerated the nostalgia as I got older." The boy's shoulders slumped, disheartened as they walked back into the semi-light hall.

"Fuck, you don't have to look so sad about it. Think about it this way: now you can stop your abhorrent fangasming all over it and go find something else to do with your life. Like watch a decent movie. Maybe something other than a low-budget action flick with sinfully bad screenplay."

John sighed wistfully. "I doubt I'll ever find anything that good. Though maybe one of those new Batman movies is going to be good."

The theater employee snorted. "Fuck no. Superheroes are about as original as fairytale monsters. In fact, I'd rather watch some movie about troll romance than some buff guy in Spandex."

The bucktoothed boy gave Karkat an inquisitive glance. "Then what do you recommend, Mr. Expert?"

Karkat frowned. "You'd never watch it anyway."

"C'mon man, maybe I would. Just say it."

The unkempt employee studied the pattern on the carpet in an attempt to hide his face. "…50 First Dates."

John guffawed, only adding to Karkat's irritation. "What? That mushy movie?"

"You are mocking my favorite movie of all time. Are you honestly unaware of how angry this is making me or is your natural talent pissing people off?"

"I thought you were going to say something like, y'know, Deep Impact. 'Cause that's way cooler, cause Morgan Freeman's genteel-"

Karkat balled a fist. "If you spew one more work out of that blasphemous pie-hole of yours, I will do the world the infinitely gracious favor of shutting you the fuck up."

"Well at least I don't like bad romcoms. I only like good movies, since I'm the best movie critic among my friends. Really!"

Karkat rolled his eyes. "That's not what you're making out with yourself to be."

John paused. "…What?"

Karkat's face turned red as he tried to correct his slip of tongue. "Shit! I meant making yourself out with yourself, no, you're, it's…never mind, it's a figure of speech."

Boisterous laughter met this comment and continued for several minutes until John could pull himself together. Karkat's face only grew redder.

"Oh man, that was the best weird erotic slip of tongue ever! Can you do that again?"

"Shut your mouth. The very point of that matter was that this linguistic mistake was accidental. I can't 'do it again' purposefully, you ignorant conformist." Karkat gave him a reproachful look as he opened the door to the theater, letting in a gust of bone-chillingly cruel cold air.

"Dammit, it's freezing out and my sister drove off with my jacket in her car. Fuck!" He shouted the expletive at no one in particular, though several kids stared and were quickly flipped off by Karkat's practiced middle finger. As he glared at the spot where his car had previously been parked, he noticed that the insane hacker he called a friend had ditched him as soon as his shift had ended. Fucking fantastic.

While Karkat was busy being mature, John had unzipped his hoodie and was sneaking up behind the distracted acquaintance in a pranksterly fashion. Of course, when Karkat felt the warm fabric his neck, he immediately whipped around with the full intention of disemboweling the perpetrator with his bare hands, since this was obviously a kidnapping.

Of course, John was taken aback by this gesture, literally taking a few steps back before Karkat realized that he wasn't about to be held hostage by an evil drug lord.

"What in the festering pits of the underworld are you doing, asswipe?" He growled, still wary.

"Well, you seemed cold, so I was trying to give you my jacket, idiot." John countered, still holding out the offending hoodie.

"I've got bigger problems at the moment. Like a mode of transportation to the grimy hovel I call my residence."

"Geez Karkat, if it's that big of a problem, you can ride with me. Jade, Rose, and Dave sort of took off in Dave's awesome car, so there's a few free seats."

The raggedy cashier rolled his eyes. "Yes, because I must look like I was born recently and therefore have no common sense, leading me to get into a car driven by someone I met two hours ago."

John pleaded, "C'mon, it's not like I'm some wacko serial killer! But I guess I'd say that even if I was, so I guess that doesn't really convince you, but, well, my point is, you need a lift, I've got my dad's pickup, so…"

Karkat sighed. "It seems that the diabolical deity that watches over my depressingly pitiful life has left me no other choice. Why the hell not, John. You have brought my miniscule ego to its bruised and battered knees through your incessant badgering."

"Does this mean you won't try to rip my jacket to shreds?"

"Possibly. Now give it here, it's colder than a frost giant's armpit tonight. Curse the Earth's axial tilt." Karkat begrudgingly pulled the jacket over his t-shirt, completely ignoring the fact that it smelled like laundry detergent and fresh book pages and was pretty dang warm.

"Heh, well then, the truck's right over here. We got it when we moved over here a few years ago." John pointed over at a blue Chevy pickup truck in the half-full parking lot.

The duo walked over to it. It wasn't much of a sight to behold, just another truck in a southern city. The bumper was a little dented and it had seen better days. Perhaps the tough country vehicle had endured the tactless goofball's driver's license.

John fumbled getting the keys out of his pocket, managing to unlock the doors in the clumsiest way possible. Karkat went around the other side to get into the passenger side of the bench, pulling open the door too quickly and narrowly missing the cute purple VW bug next to then. As soon as he jumped into the cabin, he was punched sharply on the shoulder.

"What the hell was that for, you disgusting worthless bile sack?" Karkat grumbled, fixing a cold glare on the slightly confused moron next to him.

"Well, it was a punch buggy! So I punched you! That's how these things work, Karkat." He smiled, as if explaining the classic game of punch buggy made him obviously superior to the being in the passenger seat.

"I know how the game goes, ass-licker. What hounds the deepest layers of my psyche is the unrelenting question of why the fuck should you care."

After deciphering the meaning of the cryptic rant, John pouted. "Aw, you're no fun. Now any last prayers before I start the engine? Dad always says I have to tell people that. I don't know what he means, my driving is fine."

Karkat visibly paled. "No, no last prayers to the darkest eldritch monsters that undoubtedly rule over my life, I should be perfectly fine in passing away this very night in a pool of self-deprecation."

"Calm down, dude. I know how to drive. Promise." John twisted the key in the ignition, shifted the gears to reverse, and then pulled out of the parking lot without much of a hitch. The disgruntled movie aficionado let out a sigh of relief.

"So where do you live?" Streetlights reflected off John's glasses, dots of unnatural color splayed across the lenses.

"Take a left on Main, turn right on Andrew, left on Crimson Lane. I can tell you which one it is then." Karkat said curtly.

"Cool. I don't live that far away from there actually; we're on Crockery, just past Forest."

Karkat realized he was still wearing the kid's jacket. He'd take that off when he got home. "Not far then."

"Hey, you're on Crimson, right?"

"Yes, and if you had an attention span longer than a superheated ice cube's, you might have noticed it mentioned in the directions I just gave you." Karkat huffed.

"Isn't that where the big Overthrow movement started? Like the really big one, a couple years back. It got on the news a lot." Since he was watching the road, John missed the profound effect those words had on the passenger. Karkat stiffened immediately, eyes darting around as if he expected a memory to jump out of the shadows. He pulled the blue jacket a little tighter around himself.

"Yeah, it's where it started." His voice was slightly strained.

"Just wondering. I had to a project on it senior year. It was pretty cool if you believe the news stories. Though Washington isn't good at keeping up with all the Texas news." A green sign with "Andrew" typed on in generic white font flashed in the headlights, causing John to make a right turn.

"Yeah. Washington?" Karkat asked, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, I moved here a couple of years ago for my dad's work. Nothing very exciting. But we ended up being neighbors to some kids I met through Pesterchum, so that was a plus."

Karkat sighed exasperatedly. "Pesterchum. Understandable, seeing as you're the type of person who would waste their time trying to get advice on shitty computer programming."

"You should totally pester me sometime, I'm ectoBiologist. I had to change it since some kids started trolling me when I was younger. No idea how they got a hold of my chumhandle."

"What makes the all-knowing John capable of predicting my possession of such a worthless account?"

"You said it yourself. People who 'waste their time trying to get advice on shitty computer programming'". John shot back, mimicking the harsh tones of his acquaintance's voice.

"Well, you happen to be correct on this single account, which will no doubt warrant some sort of celebration among your immediate family members when you return home"

John chuckled. "The longer I spend around you, the more I wonder how you ended up talking like that."

Karkat could feel his ire rising. "Attention idiot, in my ever-suffering patience I suppose I'm required to explain this to the bone-thick layer draped across the diminutive organ you dare call a brain-"

"There you go again! The weirdly erotic metaphors for stupid things. Heh, I'm not going to lie, it's kind of entertaining. What were you saying again?" The asphalt intersection of Andrew and Crimson lit up under the headlights, causing John to twist the wheel in a smooth turn.

"I guess my extreme irritation that is drawn from the deepest abysses of anger isn't sufficient. It seems that absolutely nothing will heal the disease you call idiocy."

The bespectacled driver rolled his eyes. "Idiocy isn't a disease, numb-nuts."

"And you continue to validate my sound point with every malformed word from your discombobulated larynx." Karkat said smugly, brown eyes flickering to the white mailbox with rusted numbers nailed to the pole. "Stop here, this is the one."

* * *

A/N: For those who don't know about the marvelous pranksterly game of punchbuggy, I apologize, it's pretty dang common around the small corner of America I call home. Basically, whenever you see a Volkswagen Beetle car, you punch the person next to you and say "Punch buggy!" or "-insert color- one!". I have no idea whether or not this is exclusively American/East Coast, but I'm pretty sure it happens in Texas X3

Karkat is like my inner accidentally-erotic-overly-verbose poet. Trying to realistically type like him is practically an unattainable goal though. I settle for keeping some of his rants on Notepad and pulling them up when I have to write. I doubt I'll ever get the opportunity to use "GARGANTUAN TEAT OF A LABORING, LEPROUS MUSCLEBEAST". And as we dip slightly into Karkat's highly complex backstory, the Overthrow movement! Name inspired by the Occupy Wall Street movement, of course.

And in reply to some reviews, thank you, bluelanterns for the praise! Also Magzy, don't worry, I fully intend on writing this thing out. Writer's block, however, is a totally different question. So far avoiding it. Read and review :) Happy Turkey Day!


	5. 5: Serendipity and Interrogations

After a quick application of the breaks, John took an appraising glance of the house. Not too shabby, a one-floor brick-red rancher with a neatly-kept lawn and a flowerbed that had been dutifully mulched and cleared of autumn leaves. It definitely looked like someone cared for it. Sure, the awning over the short steps was a bit rusted and the roof could have used a few extra shingles, but it was a nice house.

"Well, welcome to Casa de Fuck You, see you later, don't stick around." The crabby passenger jumped out of the truck, strolling across the lawn while undoubtedly cursing the cold. John noticed as he tripped on the steps, swearing all the more.

After pulling out his set of keys, Karkat, master of all threshold portals and secured entryways, managed to only pick the wrong key twice before unlocking the door.

He was welcomed into the modest abode he called home by the sound of melodramatic DVD trailers from the den and the delectable smell of a home-cooked meal emanating from the kitchen. The entrance hall was, as always, a mess of shoes and poorly hung up winter clothing. A side table rested by the door, a nice repository for his traitorous keychain.

"Nep! Status report!" Karkat yelled, kicking off his shoes by the door.

"Aye aye, General Karkitty, dinner on the table and Serendipity is working its way through the purreviews!" His sister's cheery voice called out over top of the clash of noises.

"Thanks, Nepeta." He replied, toning down the decibel count this time. He stumbled through the doorway, past the set of stairs going up to his left. Loping over the kitchen, he discovered half of a roasted chicken and some salad. However, his focus shifted to the ticket stub laid out on the old oak table, accompanied by his car keys, a flagrant reminder from his carefree sister that she was capable on her own.

* * *

John smiled, vaguely amused by his commentary. As the porch light turned on and the worn red door opened to let Karkat in, a flash of blue hit caught his focus as he went inside.

He felt like face-palming. Karkat had taken his jacket. He stopped the car and parked, running over the scenarios for getting it back. One, meet up with Karkat at the theater sometime later. God no, he didn't even know when the guy worked and it'd be creepy to loiter in the theater waiting for him. Two, drive back here tomorrow. No wait, he had the thing with Dave tomorrow. Three, go up there right now and try to get it back.

Sighing, John dismounting the truck and locking the doors before sprinting across the lawn and using the knocker provided to disturb the residents.

* * *

Sifting through the out-of-style pine cabinets, Karkat found one of the few plates without flowery graphics on it. Just as he was searching for a glass, a knock sounded at the door. "Nep, get the door. The Girl Scouts like you better."

Over in front of the television screen, Nepeta frowned. It wasn't cookie season, Girl Scouts knew better than to be out this late, Equius was going to meet her tomorrow, and they'd already given Ms. Fitzgerald the pan they borrowed. Who was it? Nonetheless, she set down her bowl of potato chips, since Karkat was understandably sick of popcorn, and got up to answer the door.

A kid she hadn't seen before was standing there, a slightly bashful expression on his face, blue eyes darting around behind glasses as he scanned the inside of the house. "Uh, hi. Can you get Karkat for me?"

An evil thought blossomed in Nepeta's mind as she smiled. "Sure. Come on in!"

The guy stuttered. "Uh, come in? I-I'm fine, it's just Karkat took off with my jacket, and I kinda need it back…"

The peppy brunette just waved him in. "Oh come on in, it's fine. Cold out tonight, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah, I guess it wouldn't hurt…" John stepped across the doorstep, swiftly taking stock of his surroundings. A narrow hallway split off into a few rooms, with a direct vantage point to the kitchen. It was nicely decorated though, lots of art on the saffron walls and decent furniture hanging around in other rooms.

"Kaaaarkat! Visitor for ya!" Nepeta called back into the kitchen.

A grumpy voice replied. "Pull the other one."

His sister giggled. "I'm not lying!"

The voice shot back. "Well, they obviously got the wrong house. Unless it's Sollux or Terezi and you're both shitting me. You all are blatantly disillusioning the most self-deprecating sentient being this side of the Andromeda Galaxy. I hope you're happy with yourselves."

John was beginning to think he was getting way too involved with this guy's life for having met him three hours ago. He'd just come to get his jacket back! "Uh, hey, Karkat? It's John over here."

"Oh. You just keep popping up like one of those irritating Whack-A-Moles. What the hell do you want?" Karkat shuffled out from around the corner, giving the youth a reproachful glare. He was still wearing John's blue jacket, which looked remarkably out of place on him, the cleanliness contrasting his messy hair and stooped shoulders.

"You kinda walked off with stuff, so, um, could I have it back?" John held out his hand, indicating the offending piece of clothing.

Karkat looked down at himself and swore, "Fuck, sorry. Here you go." He took it off, handing the zip-up to the restless fellow. But before he could leave with a quick "goodbye", Nepeta intervened.

She smiled innocently and said, "Thanks for bringing my brother home! Hey, since you came all the way out here, do you want to watch Serendipity with us? It's movie night."

Karkat was about to respond with something along the lines of "no, what the fuck, why'd you invite him", but John beat him to it. Rubbing the back of his neck in some gesture of reservation, John shook his head. "I think I'm good. I'm not really into romantic movies and all, so I think I'll just be going-"

Last straw for Karkat. Brewing up his most intimidating death glare, he said, "Are you really so ignorant as to deny the classic talent of the actors portrayed in the film? That's it, you're not dissing my favorite movies and getting away with it scot free. Get over here."

John waved his hands frantically. "No, no I'm fine, listen, my curfew's 10, so I've got to be home in a few minutes. I'll have to take a rain check."

Giving him the death glare, Karkat walked right up to John, jabbing him squarely in the chest with his pointer finger. "Now open though cartilage flaps you call ears, moron. You will come to appreciate the realm of romantic comedies even if I have to hunt you down and tape your eyelids open. Get your ass on Pesterchum when you get home or so help me."

"Sheesh, okay!" John backed out of the house, faking extreme fear while trying to restrain a guffaw of laughter. "Can I at least have your last name to look you up on Pesterchum?"

As John stepped down to the walkway, Karkat looked as if he was torn between giving a final rebuttal or answering the question. In the end, he decided on both. "It's Vantas-Leijon, asshole, and if you can't spell it, get a fucking clue." Settling for a door slam, Karkat left the argument feeling satisfied. After the footsteps faded away, he rolled his eyes.

"Come on Nep. Sounds like the DVD is on the title screen."

Nepeta silently exploded from victory as she followed Karkat to the TV. Operation "Get Karkat a Date" was practically a success.

Meanwhile, John was high-tailing it back to the old pickup truck. He'd gotten a name! This could be the potentially best chat log ever. He wondered if the guy typed like he spoke. That'd be fantastic, the way Karkat talked made it sound like he'd swallowed a dictionary of curses.

Vantas-Leijon…something sounded oddly familiar about that name. He'd seen it somewhere, in a book, maybe on the internet? He'd look it up when he got home.

* * *

After five minutes of driving, John parked in the driveway of his own house on Crockery Street. He'd always liked his house, one of the few white houses on the street, two stories tall with a balcony. The tree out front promptly dumped a branchful of leaves over the car when the wind picked up.

Home sweet home. When he opened the door, he was met with the extremely curious face of Jade and the apathetically pretending-not-to-care faces of Dave and Rose.

Jade was the first to speak. "So, how'd it go?" They were all sitting in their usual places in the family room, Rose and Jade taking the old worn couch while Dave sat cross-legged on the carpet.

The question was fraught with implications that John didn't bother deciphering. "How'd what go?"

Dave chimed in, "Your high-speed ride to boner city, that's what, Egbert."

"Dave!" Jade scolded.

"Sorry to disappoint Dave, but the train never left the station. I wasn't even on it. Mostly because I bought a ticket from Who-Needs-To-Know airlines." John was proud of himself for attempting to continue the metaphor.

Behind his dark shades, Dave might have raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'd the say plane had a layover in Ass Town, and you need to spill the beans faster than a Mexican with severe indigestion."

Rose rolled her eyes. "There was no excuse for the utter disgust you've caused me with the previous sentence."

Dave shrugged nonchalantly. "Sorry, sis. It's just the way I roll."

"Well, there's nothing _to _tell. Excuse me for not being a homosexual. He was just a guy, working the counter, Dave ditched us, so I invited him instead so we wouldn't waste a movie ticket. End of story!" John plopped down on the couch in his spot, right behind Dave, and crossed his arms.

"You were engaging in a rather interesting conversation, and it appears that his hair is on your jacket, as it is not your own nor one of ours." Rose carefully analyzed, picking up a light brown hair off the hoodie. "Highly suspicious and warrants further investigation."

"What? No, he was cold, and since he didn't have a jacket I let him borrow mine when I drove him home."

"You drove him all the way home? Catch me Jade, I'm swooning over Mr. Casanova here." The blond rapper fell over sideways, mocking a delicate Southern lady.

John got flustered. "No! Not like that! Dave, stop confusing me. He didn't have a ride, so I drove him home. Simple!"

Dave pushed for more information. "You get a phone number after hitting him up like that?"

"Well, no, but I have a name. Karkat Vantas-Leijon. So stop hounding me! God, guys, just calm down. No romantic advances started or received. Happy?"

Dave nodded, having lost interest in the lack of dating escapades, and instead got up and walked over to raid the fridge. However, Jade was boring a hole through the wall above John's head. He gave her a look. "What?"

"Vantas…Leijon…hold it, you drove him home, where did he live?" She looked as if she was putting together a mental jigsaw puzzle and the last piece had slid just out of reach.

"Crimson Lane, why-"

Jade facepalmed. "Why is my brother such an idiot?"

Rose shrugged. "Perhaps it has to do with this seemingly prenatal obsession with needless violence in cinematic entertainment? Or it could be a side-effect of being male." Both girls snickered.

"I heard that." Dave's voice sounded form the kitchen.

"What are you guys talking about?"

Jade fixed her brother in a hard stare from behind her round glasses. "John. Are you sure you have no idea about what I'm getting at?"

"Well, no. I have no idea. I mean, all that Crimson is famous for is Overthrow, but I don't know much past that."

Jade shook her head. "Maybe I should start calling you Egderp. Don't you think he might have the slightest connection to the movement?"

John huffed. "I don't think you're right. No way, but whatever. I'll ask him later."

Dave returned from the kitchen holding a slice of cold pizza. "So you did get his number. You sly dog, John Egbert. The swoon-o-meter is up to eleven, it's going Scarlett O'Hara over here."

"No, I got a name to look up on Pesterchum. Lemme go up and check." John got up and sprinted up the stairs, careful not to wake up Bec. The dog was sleeping in Jade's room and no one wanted to wake him up. If you wanted him back asleep, it was like trying to stop an atomic bomb from detonating once the charge has gone off.

Tiptoeing down the hallway, he entered his own room, not bothering to turn on the light. Barely-visible movie posters coated two of the walls, and his room was a little messier than it usually was, but he sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. The classic start-up sound echoed in the dark room, followed by an instant brightening of the screen. Quickly logging in, he pulled up Pesterchum and searched for the name he'd been given.

One result emerged from the search, carcinoGenecist. Figuring that was it, John sent a message.

-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGenecist [CG] at 22:10-

EB: hey karkat!

Almost instantly, a reply pinged back.

CG: OH LOOK, ITS THE IDIOT HUMAN WHO INSISTS ON BOTHERING ME DURING MY ROMCOMATHON. VERY WELL SCUM OF THIS FILTHY EARTH, SAY SOMETHING RUDE AND ARROGANT SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU OUT ON IT USING OVERLY VERBOSE AND SEMI-EROTIC LANGUAGE.

Gee whiz, he was shouty even over chat.

EB: romcomathon, huh? still watching serendipity?

CG: IT IS A MASTERPIECE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. SUCH A NARROW AND LACKLUSTER MIND COULD BARELY COMPREHEND THIS.

EB: i've never seen it. what happens?

CG: THE TITLE I'VE ASSIGNED IT IS TOO LONG FOR ME TO ACCOMPLISH IN THE LIMIT THIS CHAT PUTS ON SENT MESSAGES.I WILL INSTEAD ABRIDGE IT AS "FUCKING AWESOME".

EB: okay, okay i get it. i should watch it.

CG: ALL HAIL JOHN, THE GREAT PROPHET OF THE NEAR FUTURE. LET ME DISPLAY THE SHOCKING AWE AND WONDER I FEEL WITH AN EMOTICON, EXCEPT I DON'T HAVE ONE THAT LOOKS THAT AGGRAVATED.

EB: i have no idea why you're so interested in romantic stuff.

CG: WOULD A CLASSIC LINE OF DEFENSE SUCH AS "I HAD A ROUGH AND TUMBLE CHILDHOOD IN AN ORPHANAGE ON THE EDGE OF TOWN WHERE I WAS FORCED TO EAT RANCID GRUEL" SATISFY YOUR CURIOSITY BASED AROUND MY MOTIVES?

EB: not really. just saying. well, just wanted to drop you a line. wanna chat again tomorrow?

CG: SINCE THE CULTURE OF THIS MISERABLE SOCIETY DESIGNATES TOMORROW, ALSO KNOWN AS SATURDAY AS A DAY OF REST, I ASSUME I WOULD BE FREE TO HASH OUT MY BRAINWAVES INTO A READABLE FORMAT WITH YOU AS A WITNESS.

EB: see you then!

-ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGenecist [CG] at 22:15-

John reclined in his chair. Great job, failure to even as him whether or not he was related to Overthrow. But come on, ask a guy you just met a deep personal question? That was ridiculous, even for him. He'd ask him tomorrow. Walking downstairs, he hoped he wasn't going to get any snark about it. Then again, with all three of his best friends here, resistance was futile.

* * *

A/N: More dialogue, less interesting. Serendipity has canonically gotten the Karkat Vantas approval by the way. I really want to play exposition here but I should keep the suspense a little longer. I think I failed at sounding like Dave. I will try harder next time to succeed. *returns vV-Knight of Blood-Vv's highfive*

I recently heard that fics with Pesterlogs and chats get deleted when they're posted because they border on "interactive". I really hope I heard wrong. So I'm posting this chapter, if it gets deleted I'll come up with something. Chatlogs are such a major part of Homestuck that I'm not going to omit them and I want them in this AU.

Read and Review ^_^


	6. 6: Pesterlogs and Reminiscences

Karkat had barely signed out of that ridiculous internet approximation of a conversation when a new and unwelcome window popped up on his chat client.

-twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGenecist [CG] at 22:15-

TA: hey kk

CG: YOU ARE A DESPICABLE FUCKASS, DID YOU KNOW THAT?

TA: iit look2 liike you got home fiine. what are you biitchiing at me about?

CG: LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE JUST AS MENTALLY IMPAIRED AS THE AVERAGE SLUG AFTER ALL. YOU DITCHED ME WITH A BUCKTOOTHED MORON.

TA: you're the one who deciided two go 2ee an awful moviie wiith hiim ii ju2t had two leave after my 2hiift.

CG: AND WHAT WAS SO COSMICALLY IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAD TO LEAVE ME STRANDED AT THE REMOTE DESERTED ISLAND OF A MOVIE THEATER WITH A FULL CAST OF STRANGERS LIKE THAT ONE TV SERIES THAT REVOLVED AROUND THEM ACTUALLY BEING IN THE AFTERLIFE?

TA: liike youre not the mo2t dangerou2 per2on there.

TA: and ii went two go 2ee aa 2he texted me when my 2hiift wa2 over

CG: OH YES, YOUR MYSTERIOUS GIRLFRIEND WHO ALWAYS CONVENIENTALLY STEPS IN WHENEVER YOU HAVE SHIT TO DO.

CG: HOW FUCKING EASY IT MUST BE FOR YOU TO GET OUT OF STUFF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO LIKE CARTING A SELF-DEPRICATING LOUDMOUTH HOME.

TA: ii never 2aiid that.

TA: calm ur tiit2 kk

CG: MY FEMALE MAMMARY GLANDS ARE CHILLED TO SUBZERO TEMPERATURES THANK YOU VERY MUCH. EXCUSE ME IF I SOUND LIKE A GUY WHO'S BEEN FORCED TO GET A RIDE WITH A COMPLETE FUCKING STRANGER WHO I MET TWO HOURS PREVIOUS.

CG: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, MEET MY FRIEND WHO POSSESSES TWO DICKS. THE SECOND OF WHICH BEING HIS PERSONALITY.

TA: ahaha. ii'll act liike ii havent heard that one before. you were beiing pretty friiendly wiith hiim though

CG: FRIENDLY, ON THE KARKAT VANTAS SCALE, IS APPROXIAMTELY NOT CURSING HIM OUT WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES.

TA: ba2iically.

TA: but 2eriiou2ly you're u2ually paranoiid about human contact. what made thii2 kiid diifferent?

CG: HE WAS OBVIOUSLY A DEFENSELESS INFANT WITH NO QUALMS ABOUT "STRANGER DANGER" OR WHATEVER THE FUCK NORMAL PARENTS TEACH THEIR IDIOTIC CHILDREN.

CG: TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HIS TRUST WAS JUST ANOTHER WAY THAT I COULD COMPENSATE FOR A DISPROPORTIONATE CHILDHOOD AND SHOW HOW LIKELY I AM TO LATER BECOME A SOCIOPATH.

TA: ii thiink 2omebody'2 got a cru2h

CG: HELL NO. SCRUB THAT MENTAL IMAGE FROM MY BRAIN WITH A SPONGE. MAKE THAT NEUROTIC STEEL WOOL. THAT DISGUSTINGLY NAIVE ASSHOLE IS ONLY FIT TO LICK THE STREETS CLEAN AFTER A SHITSTORM.

TA: that'2 2ome pretty kiinky 2hiit.

CG: NORMALLY, I WOULD INCOHERENTLY SMASH THE KEYS UNTIL I REGAINED THE POOR SEMBLANCE OF SANITY THAT I STRING ALONG IN ORDER TO AVOID SCARING SMALL CHILDREN AND HORSES. BUT I'M SO PISSED OFF WITH YOUR COMMENT THAT I'M GOING TO INSULT YOU INSTEAD.

CG: YOU MUST BE THE MOST MORONIC FUCKER IF YOU BELIEVE THAT FOR ANY FRACTION OF A SECOND I COULD EVER POSSIBLY BE ATTRACTED TO THAT REPULSIVE AND INSIGNIFICANT GANGLY TEENAGER. YOUR TWO BRAIN CELLS THAT HAVE MIRACULOUSLY SURVIVED THE GENOCIDE OF THEIR OWN KIND WILL BE GIVEN THE CHANCE TO RUB TOGETHER AND GENERATE ENOUGH ELECTRICAL PULSES IN ORDER FOR YOUR REASONING TO FUNCTION.

TA: 2ure ii've got two debug a a22hole'2 computer by morniing. bye kk

-twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering carcinoGenecist [CG] at 22:27—

Karkat felt like throwing his old laptop across the room. But resting directly across the room was their TV displaying one of his favorite romcoms. Urge barely resisted, for now. The movie was reaching the climax, when both protagonists realize that they are fated for each other, but he had something else on his mind. Blue eyes and a stupid bucktoothed grin.

The romcom ended with its typical fanfare, and as the credits faded out, Nepeta yawned, getting up from where she'd curled up on the couch beside her exhausted brother.

"All right Karkat, I'm going to bed. It was a long day at the old pet shop." As she got up, the semi-gelatinized form next to her yanked her right back down.

"First you're going to explain to me why a buff, scary-looking guy went to the movies with you."

She sighed wearily. "You worry too much, Karkat."

"Explain. Otherwise I'll block all the anime channels on the TV. I'm the only one who knows the parental code, remember?"

Nepeta stamped her foot in frustration, but begrudgingly spun the tale. "He's a guy who comes by the pet store sometimes. His name is Equius, not buff guy, and he is purrfectly safe! His family has a ranch and sometimes people post ads for their horses there, and he comes by to look at those. We just stared talking, and that's it!"

"It better be just it."

"You don't have anything to worry about, Karkitty." She smiled, using their oldest nickname.

Her brother grunted a reply. "Night, Nep."

"Good night Karkat."

As his sister left the room, Karkat sank deeper into the worn couch and made the mistake of glancing at the photo on the table. It was never a wise decision to dwell in the past this late at night. It brought back bad memories.

The picture was one of the few they still had of the entire family. On an impulse, he grabbed the frame and held it closer, slowly tracing a finger over the figure preserved in the captured moment.

There was a seven year-old Karkat, half-smiling at the camera, and a five year-old Nepeta pulling him into a tight hug. His father and mother were seated behind them, hands intertwined, golden bands barely visible in the small photograph. Karkat gazed at the faces of his parents, outlining their features with a fingertip, his father's dark hair, the same shade as his own. The family nose. Ears that stuck out a little bit. And his mother, long, cascading hair, light brown, more like Nepeta's. The same eager grin. The green eyes from her side of the family.

He set it back down as his eyes saw a different scene superimpose itself over the room. A Christmas morning, when Nepeta would bounce around like a chipmunk on caffeine and his father would drag himself from a warm bed to spot the joy on her face. Karkat himself would always act more mature, but tear apart the wrapping paper with glee given half the chance. His mother would have been up painting the night before, so her fingers would be stained with a rainbow of tints, but she would make hot cocoa just for the morning.

Karkat sighed, closing his eyes slightly as he relieved some of the happier times. Before any of that stuff had happened, before Nepeta cried herself to sleep every night, before he exchanged glares with those who saw him as an outcast, a mutant, before life threw him the curveball of the century. He could soak in the peaceful reminiscence until reality brought him back to the modest home on Crimson Lane.

* * *

Though Karkat could not have known it at the time, in about fourteen hours he would be sitting down at a table inside a café on the west side of town. Directly in front of him at that table would be a very confused, reasonably stunned one John Egbert.

They had just gotten their coffees, one that was ordered "as black as my soul" and the other "salted caramel mocha, please", and Karkat had picked the table the farthest away from any other occupants of the restaurant.

Silence dominated for the next several seconds, until John, in all his finger-twiddling question avoidance, broke the pause. "So, uh…" he cleared his throat, "that was…something."

Karkat was staring out a window and barely noticed the statement. "Yes Egbert. By pure definition, it was 'something'. Now's the time to ask questions."

John, ever the socially awkward guy, cleared his throat again, Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he tried to rope together his thoughts. "So…the park…"

_The early morning…_

Karkat woke up that morning to the insistent actions of his sister. Nepeta had been poking him for a while before her terminally grumpy brother came to.

"Karkaaat…Kar….Karkitty…I saw you blink that time, wake up already! Okay! I left breakfast on the table, waffles and bacon, I open the shop this morning so I'm taking the car. Be back at 5. And don't forget, it's your turn to make dinner!" He opened his eyes just as the door squeaked shut.

Following the heavenly smell of morning food to the kitchen, Karkat pulled out a plate from the cupboard, shoveling the still-warm waffles on it and grabbing the maple syrup from the fridge. After adding diabetes-inducing amounts of butter and syrup to his waffles, he wiped off his sticky hands to check his phone. Fuck, he was practically a living emotional crutch to half the people in his contacts. Not that he had many contacts. It was important to check up on them. Wait, 5 new Pesterchum messages?

-terminallyCapricious [TC] began pestering carcinoGenecist at 9:34-

TC: HeY My mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRoThEr fRoM AnOtHeR MoThEr

TC: WhAt iS AlL Up aNd hApPeNiNg iN YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiNg mOrNiNg?

CG: OH IT'S YOU.

TC: WoAh mY MoThErFuCkInG BeSt fRiEnD, yOu dOn't hAvE To uP AnD SoUnD So mOtHeRfUcKiNg sUrPrIsEd

CG: IT'S JUST BEEN A BAD WEEK, GAM. MAYBE I WOULD HAVE A MODICUM OF FUCKING PATIENCE IF YOU HADN'T PESTERED ME AT NINE IN THE MORNING.

TC: I CaN UnDeRsTaNd tHaT BeSt fRiEnD. wAnT To hAvE A FeElInGs jAm aBoUt iT?

TC: DiD YoU Up aNd fInD YoUr oWn mIrAcLe?

CG: GODDAMIT SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR MIRACLES FOR JUST FIVE SECONDS.

TC: Oh i sEe. YoU DiD, dIdN'T YoU? yOu wEnT AnD FoUnD YoUr oWn lItTlE MiRaClE. aBoUt tImE ToO. yOu aNd mE WoUlD HaVe eNdEd uP As oLd sPiNsTeRs sItTiNg oN SoMe fRoNt pOrCh kNiTtInG If yOu dIdN'T FiNd sOmEoNe qUiCk.

CG: WAS THERE SOME SORT OF FORMALLY AGREED ON TWENTY-FOUR HOUR TIMESLOT FOR PEOPLE TO ACT LIKE I DESPERATELY NEEDED SOME SORT OF SIGNIFICANT OTHER TO SPEND MY LONELY, MISERABLE DAYS WITH? AND NO, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. SINCE, AFTER ALL, I'M STILL SURPRISED MY MIRROR DARES DISPLAY MY REFLECTION WITH ALL THE CLARITY THAT IT DOES.

TC: NoW CoMe oN KaR, yOu aIn't tHaT BaD.

CG: I'LL TELL YOU HOW BAD IT IS, YOU FUCKING IMBECILIC RODEO CLOWN.

TC: So wHo eLsE ThInKs yOu'vE Up aNd gOt sOmEtHiNg gOiNg oN WiTh sOmE BoYfRiEnD?

CG: WHY DO YOU AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME IT WAS SOME GUY? I COULD HAVE WENT TO THE MOST POSH RESTAURANT IN THIS DESPICABLE TOWN WITH A TOP-HEAVY, BRAINLESS, BLEACH BLOND AND DEVILISHLY TANNED BRAZILIAN SUPERMODEL WHO HAPPENED TO HAVE HER CAR BREAK DOWN AS I WAS WALKING BY.

TC: I DoN'T ThInK ThAt cAuSe i'vE MeT YoU ;o)

CG: GOD DAMN IT.

CG: I WAS COERCED INTO GOING TO SEE A SHITTY MOVIE WITH A GUY. AND HIS TWO PERFECTLY ATTRACTIVE FEMALE FRIENDS, MIGHT I ADD. NEPETA TOOK THE CAR LIKE IT WAS A TEN SPEED BICYCLE IN THE CITY WITHOUT A PADLOCK AND SHE WAS A DOWN AT THE HEELS ORPHAN WHO HAD GROW UP IN LARCONY, SO THE KID GAVE ME A RIDE HOME. END OF STORY.

TC: WhAtEvEr yOu mOtHeRfUcKiNg sAy, BeSt fRiEnD ;o)

CG: ENOUGH ABOUT THE UNRELATED ROMANTIC TRIALS OF YOURS TRULY. SINCE I'M TRYING TO BE NICER TO COMMON AND INSIGNIFICANT PEASANTS LIKE YOURSELF, HOW DID THAT BIG RODEO GIG WORK OUT?

TC: PrEtTy mOtHeRfUcKiNg wElL. dIdN'T BrEaK OnE BoNe iN My bOdY ThIs tImE. wOuLdA PuT Me oUtTa cOmMiSsIoN FoR A CoUpLe oF WeEkS If i dId.

CG: YOU ONLY TWISTED YOUR ANKLE THE OTHER TIME BECAUSE YOU WERE DISTRACTED BY THAT, AND I QUOTE "MoThErFuCkInG AdOrAbLe" TAMER KID BY THE GATES.

TC: YoU ShOuLdA SeEn hIs fAcE. iT'S LiKe sOmE SoRt oF MiRaClE FrOm tHe mEsSiAhS. i sEe hIm aT MoSt oF ThE RoDeOs i gO To. ThInK HiS RaNcH SuPpLiEs tHe eVeNtS Or sOmE ShIt.

CG: DID YOU EVER TALK TO HIM LIKE YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD WHEN I WENT APESHIT ON YOUR ASS FOR BEING SHY?

TC: NeVeR GoT ThErE MaN.

CG: WHY THE HELL NOT?

TC: WeLl i wEnT ArOuDn tHe cOrNeR To tAlK To hIm bUt wHeN I DiD I JuSt fOuNd a mOtHeRfUcKiNg tOn mOrE ReAsOnS To bE ShY As mOtHeRfUcKiNg hElL.

CG: AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE?

TC: WhEeLcHaIr, BeSt fRiEnD. mOtHeRfUcKiNg cUtIe dIdN'T HaVe nO LeGs. LaSt tHiNg hE'D WaNt tO SaY Hi tO Is mY TrOuBlEd aSs.

CG: SHIT, REALLY? AND THEY JUST LET HIM HOP ON SOME FULL-GROWN BULL AND PINCH IT SENSUALLY UNTIL THE BEAST WANTS TO TRAMPLE THE NEXT HUMAN-SHAPED LIFE FORM IN THE VICINITY?

TC: PrEtTy mUcH. hE'S ReAl gOoD At iT ThOuGh.

CG: JESUS, JUST GET A ROOM ALREADY. SHOULD I START SENDING OUT WEDDING INVITATIONS?

TC: GoTtA Go, It's mY DaD AgAiN. wIsH Me uP A MoThErFuCkInG MiRaClE It lOoKs lIkE He's pIsSeD.

CG: FUCK YOUR DAD AND GOOD LUCK YOU MORON.

TC: ThAnKs bEsT FrIeNd

-terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased pestering carcinoGenecist [CG] at 9:46-

* * *

A/N: Welp, I'm back after my burnout, break, hiatus, holiday, whatever you want to call it. LET THE FANFICTION FLOW! When I say there will be pesterlogs, by god there will be pesterlogs. This is my idea of a time transition, so look, it's me trying to be non-linear! Hold onto those stovepipe hats and monocles, ladies and gents! It looks like the story still exists, so I'm running with it. Like scissors. But twice as dangerous.

Thank you, whoever anon guest you are, that was a very nice review :3 I will use some of those ideas. With my luck you're secretly Andrew Hussie. Such is my luck. This Karkat happens to be 21, so I gave him a ramped-up vocabulary. Fancy lil' KK, he was such a bookworm as a kid. That's where I got all these big words, gigantic books.

And fixture to my reviews, Magzy, gracias, I try ^o^

Read and review, high-fives optional, hugs preferable, cookies readily welcomed, flames good for marshmallows and writing XD


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